I am back and back at it.

July 6th, 2010

I think it is so difficult to go on vacation or take time away from a business and slide back in as if you never left.  At least it is for me.

Today I want to talk about language, language you use with your kids.  That language has a lot to do with the way kids turn out as adults.  That language molds your children into their growing up lives.  That language  predicts how they will react with others when they are adults.  Especially authority figures.

There are two types of language, REACTIVE LANGUAGE and PROACTIVE LANGUAGE.

I am sure you all have experienced REACTIVE LANGUAGE. Your 2 year old is playing happily at the shallow end of the pool, the next thing you know he has wandered over to the deep end and looks like he will jump in at any moment.  OF COURSE YOU REACT and use REACTIVE LANGUAGE!!!!=:O

Another example is your 5 year old is in Pottery Barn with you and you walk past a kitchen setting, he grabs a fake pear and is about to take a mouthwatering bite.   Who wants to take bets on the words you use, hushed so no one can hear you, to let him know that  STOP,THAT IS NOT REAL!!!=:o

Those are two examples of times that you really do not have a choice, MOM, you react and use that reactive language.

But a more subtle example could be at home, when you are stressed, you have some bills due, you are trying to get your computer to boot up, it is having a “mind of its own day” and your teen asks if you will drive her to her friends house, (clearly within walking distance) and you just blow up.  And that reaction happens to us all.  Sometimes we let it go, sometimes we apologize.  At any rate, we probably feel bad.

I did this a lot in my motherhood experience.  As a matter of fact, I did it too much and it took me a long time to change that reactive self to a thinking, proactive approach.  My daughter was already grown. I got it down really well with the grand-kids.

So I want to make a point here.  If you notice that you are a “REACTIVE” LANGUAGE PARENT, you can change it.  It takes courage, determination and conscientiousness.  OH, I also wanted to say that your kids will probably turn out ok, it is a matter of how you feel about yourself that will determine whether you will want to work on changing it.

I plan on addressing this subject more in my next blogs and going into PROACTIVE LANGUAGE and what that looks like.

MOMS,  we seem to always be striving to be better, to be a better mom, to be a better wife, to be a better housekeeper, to be a better hostess.

GRANDMA’S ADVICE: Slow down and smell that freshly washed cheek of your child, or the new perfume of your teen, or the sweat of your tween who just came home from football practice, or the swamp mud all over the trousers of your7 year old who holds out that frog to kiss.   Those are the moments that pass so quickly that you wish they hadn’t.

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Find something you are grateful for this moment.

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What was it that you thought of right at that moment?  Reply back, I would love to hear from you.

OH-PS–If you have problems with any age kid cleaning their rooms, check out my program, http://KidsClean.biz.  You will be surprised and happy you did=:)

THanks for reading, Sally

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Why do bad things happen to good people?

May 12th, 2010

So in my last post I wrote about bad things happening to me as a kid.  And that is not all.  But I am going to stop here and move on with success.

Everyone has the access to success.  One does have to want it.  One does have to pursue it.  And one can have it.  Including MOMS who have any other previous symptoms.  It all works out in the end.  When is the end?  I guess when it starts to work out.

I know happiness is available.  One does have to want it.  ONe does have to pursue it.  I guess one should research it.

When I started on that path, I worked very hard to be happy and one day I looked up and wow , I was there.  For a minute.  What I learned then was that happiness was fleeting and depended on a sturdy and stubborn state of mind.  So I worked some more.  Looked up and found that I was looking for happiness in other people.  Wrong, every guru tells you that is wrong.  OK Back to work.  Work more on happiness.

Again,a  fleeting day.  But I am still learning and still pursuing.  It is still the hunt, I have never given up.

Slowly, over the years and with a lot of work, I made it.  Some days are better than others, but for the most part I am happy.

I still pursue, read, study, watch dvd’s, talk to people, listen to people and  look for happiness.  But I am finally at home, so to speak.

Sally Douglass is a grandmapreneur who loves her kids, gardening, the outdoors and outdoor sports.  Her passion is finding the shortcut to every day tasks that still maintain the best outcome.  See her website at http://www.KidsClean.biz.  It is a great program teaching kids to clean their rooms and let them do the work for a change!!!

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Fear-Motherhood- I was sexually abused when I was a kid.

May 2nd, 2010

The one thing I can tell you is that an experience like the one above wreaks havoc on motherhood.  Especially when you don’t know why you act the way you do.

Yup, I was a victim .  I told my mother when I was 45 she said, “HMM, I am not surprised.”  I was in shock but after a few years, I got pissed off at my mother because if that had been my daughter, I would have done my best to find the perpetrator and…….  My mother and I always had a very muddy relationship.

So, I knew when I was little that it was happening, and as I grew up the only thing I every wanted was to be loved.  I took that desire, almost addiction, into my relationships.  That one never worked.  I am  on number 3 and not really happy.

I thought that act was love.  I remember being 5 and asking my uncle if he was sure he would marry me because I was afraid of being alone the rest of my life.

There is hope.  I am living proof of that. I have worked really very hard to find happiness.  And I did.  It was a long road for me, hopefully it won’t be for you.  And through it all, my kids still love me.

KidsClean is a great program for parents teaching kids how to clean their rooms.  Check it out now:  http://KidsClean.biz  Not a great advertisement after the subject matter.   Do something really healthy for your kids today.

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Guilt- I was an emotionally abusive parent.

April 26th, 2010

I was an emotionally abusive parent but before you go calling social services, I have already talked to them.

I was an emotionally abusive parent.  I was abused as a kid. I have spent the last 35 years in therapy and I am proud to say I am recovered.  The road wasn’t always easy.

The worst part was the guilt I felt both during and after I healed.  I promised my daughter when she was ready for recovery and wanted to hate me as I hated my mother, I would totally understand and would always be there loving her and waiting for her to see the light.

Am I sorry? OMG.  And I was very unhappy.  I had an eating disorder to cope with my childhood( to be written about at a later time.) But with hard work, lots of focus and attention, I am in the light.  When I first started recovery I was in a dark hole, in a tunnel.  After some time of recovery I could see the light.  I still had a long way to go. Then after a long time, I was in the light.

I once had a DR. tell me that I had worked harder than any other patient he had ever known.  I basically lost my life as I was in such fervent recovery.

I am a very happy, emotionally balanced person today.  I have an awesomely wonderful relationship with my daughter and I have two spectacular grandchildren.

Most people like me as I have been in the shoes of the miserable, unhappy, guilty, hopeless, dejected, failing, flailing, cloudy, disastrous, drug and alcohol, unfortunate, broken, catastrophic, drowning others.

And I came out of it.  With a lot of work, but I came out of it.  By the grace.

I don’t feel guilty anymore.  Well maybe a tiny bit, but I have to keep reminding myself that I was sick and I did the best I could.  Then I move on from the feeling.

Grandma’s wisdom for the day.  If you are a normal human being, guilt is normal but don’t swim in it.  Unless you want to.  You are doing the best job you can.  Let that be a big part of you too.

Find out what this wise grandma can teach you and your kids about other things.   http://bit.ly/jLUB8

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If you believe everything you hear, you may not be living your life.

April 17th, 2010

I have to admit, I feel like I am between a rock and a hardspace here.

I know you have all heard of the program, “Monsters Inside Me”.  And Yuk.  I wish I had never even looked once at that program.  Now, I do find it very interesting, but if I were a MOM now, I would never let my child crawl anywhere, even in the house!!!  I would want him or her to go from the crib to just plain walking and of course you would need him or her wear shoes at all times. Otherwise he could get one of those weird bugs that are dormant for years until the host shows up.

I am sorry to bring this up but I am telling you that I would have a really hard time having my kid do regular kid things.  Moms, it is harder today to be a mom than it was in my day.

Hey, by the way, or BTW, let me tell you about Kids Clean.  Awesome program taking frustration about your kids rooms right out of your  hands and letting the kids take over the  responsibility.  Check it out. http://bit.ly?jLUB8

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The 5 Absolute Musts for Getting Your Kids to Clean Their Rooms

April 11th, 2010

The 5 absolute musts for getting your kids to clean their rooms..

Parent:    I can’t believe that she just said that. You mean there is hope for me ?There is a way to get my kids rooms clean?

Grandma:    I’m a grandma, trust me on this one.

P:   Well let’s get going, already…

G:  All-righty then…

#1.   The first and most important thing you need… Are you ready for this? I bet any money you will argue with me.

P:   Get going, I don’t have all day. I have to go change the baby.

G:   Ok,   #1. The absolute most important thing all parents need is a SENSE OF HUMOR. Without a sense of humor you are just eating yourself up inside. Without a sense of humor, you are heading for crash and burn, you’re just needing something to complain about.

I am a get- it-done kind of gal, if I have a problem, I want to find the answer and get on with my life, playing, having fun, gardening, going to the beach.  Who can go to the beach with all that ____ piled up in your kids room and in your brain. So dump the ____ and get a sense of humor.  I saw them at Sear’s on sale last week.

P: HMMMM

G:  #2.  The next thing you need is a Bull-Dozer. Now I know you can figure out why you would need a bulldozer.
P:  To bulldoze everything in the room out the window.
G:   Good guess but not quite. You need a bulldozer to keep the kids busy watching while you get in there and start the “Cleaning their room” process.    Trust me on this one too, those kids will sit for hours just watching that bulldozer. You can get some laundry done too : )
P:   HMM, that wouldn’t be so bad. Kinda like the BULLDOZERBABYSITTER.

G: 3. The third thing you will need is a cup of coffee.
P: OK that is enough, why the heck would I need a cup of coffee?
G: Because, the kids are watching the bulldozer, you have plenty of time to get things done, get a cup of coffee and watch the bulldozer with them for a few minutes, take a break.  OH btw, did I tell you that the bulldozer operator is digging a swimming pool in your back yard until you let him know you are ready to have him bulldoze the kid’s room?
P: Yikes!!!! Wait!!! I didn’t…
G: Don’t sweat the small stuff.

G: OK on with # 4.
You will need a camera.
P: FOR WHAT?##$&*#@&&
G: So you can take before pictures of your kids room and after pictures so you can have something to compare it to. OH< yes, take pictures of the bulldozer too because when you and your husband are 80 and sittin’ on the front porch on a warm, sunny day, just a rockin’…, you will both be lookin’ at the pictures and just a laughin’…, even though you don’t have your teeth in yet, just a laughin’ at that time when Junior, who is now the lead scientist at the worlds largest French National Center for Scientific Research, needed his room cleaned and all you could think of was to hire that bulldozer to dig a hole big enough for a swimming pool in the back yard, just so you could have a cup of coffee and watch him keepin’ the kids busy.

lol, lol, lol
P: Hey, that grandma never got to #5. What do you suppose that one was????????

Check the next post down…:) :) :)

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Kids Can Clean part 2

August 23rd, 2009

In the last blog I told you that your kids can clean their rooms.  In this post I want to search out some of the reasons why they don’t right now.

You ask, plead, cajole, bribe, threaten but do you act  like a mature adult and give consequences if it isn’t done?

Did you know that kids get an average of 70 new toys a year?  Where do all those toys go?  If you have a playroom you are fortunate, if not they are stuffed in every available crevice in your child’s room and probably in the living room, bathroom, your bedroom, the dining room and I be the kitchen has a few too.  There are just too many for Junior’s room.

I know you go in there and clean maybe once every 6 months, maybe more maybe less.  The biggest problem is that Junior has too many toys and couldn’t keep his room clean even if he wanted.  He is totally overwhelmed!!

So give him a little slack.  Get in there and purge what he doesn’t play with any more.  Throw away the broken ones.  Give away the ones that are too young for him.

Cool.  Now that he only has a couple left, I bet he can manage to clean his room.

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WHY Kids Can Clean: Part 1

August 10th, 2009

Kids Can Clean, kids can clean without your nagging, kids can clean alone, kids can clean and do a good job, kids can clean every day, kids can clean without being yelled at or cajoled or prodded and without Parents losing their temper.

Do you think your kids can’t clean just because they don’t with you as a parent? Do you think they are not intellectually capable of understanding the word clean?

Do you know that kids get approximately 70 new toys per year?

Then what is the problem?

Did you ever teach them to clean?

Did you ever give them consequences if they didn’t clean?

Were you consistent and did you follow through?

Do you think that is all it takes?

Do you think YOU can do it?

Well they can and you can and that is the beginning of your story.

Check back next week for part 2.

http://kidsclean.biz

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I just stumbled upon an awesome website

August 3rd, 2009

I just stumbled upon an awesome website for parents, teachers and kids.

It is http://www.8togreat.com

I won’t say anything else but you have to see this website.

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Self Talk-Do we teach it or leave it to chance?

July 29th, 2009

Just what is SELF TALK?  When is it in life that we learn SELF TALK?  Does anyone sit down and teach us this important lesson?  Do we get any guidance from anyone who matters?  How important is SELF TALK?

I had an eating disorder when I was 12 years old.  I created that to deal with stresses  in my life.  I didn’t know it then but I did need a coping mechanism.  Otherwise the pain was too great to deal with.

I kept this eating disorder around for 30 years.  I did go into “In Patient Treatment” for 3 months, followed by therapy for… well I am still going back for “Tune-ups”, I am 57.

It was only 8 years ago that I stumbled upon Self Talk as a way to prevent myself from over-eating.

Self Talk pops in when I may be considering buying that candy bar.  If I continue to entertain the idea, I will be walking out of the store with the candy bar.  When my “ON PURPOSE” self talk kicks in, I can remind myself that I have a bigger goal in mind and I will walk out of the store empty handed.

So what is SelfTalk?  It is the conversation in our minds that goes on all day long, every day of our lives.  It tells us good things and bad things about ourselves, life, how people feel about us, how we feel about others, when to discipline our kids, whether we yell or whether we are patient. Whether we buy the $500.00 hand bag or whether we go with the more affordable $100.00.

We learn self talk as we grow as kids.  So where is all this going?  Watching my grandkids grow up and watching them receive discipline, I noticed that no one was teaching them about  SELF TALK . No one was explaining to them how to deal with an issue in their minds.  For example: Mom would tell them not to play with Johnny any more because Johnny was a bully. Mom did not tell them how to tell Johnny  they couldn’t play with him or  what to say to themselves when they saw Johnny.  So they might go outside and there was Johnny and they were embarrassed or ashamed and they just let him bully anyway. Haven’t you ever encountered a situation you didn’t know how to deal with?  Think about kids.  They encounter every minute of every day.

If Mom had said,” When you see Johnny, say hi Johnny, we can’t play with you anymore, Sorry.”  And then go somewhere else to play or come back in the house.”  That may be all that is needed.  So the child has some ammunition.  Sometimes you can even rehearse that with your child.

Then we get a little older and there is Johnny again.  OK Jr. has already told Johnny once.  Now he needs to remind himself that ” I still can’t play with Johnny, I will wave, say hello and go to my house to avoid any contact ( that is coached from MOM or DAD.)

Or, we are told to not go to McD’s after schoolbecause we are working on our weight.  The moment arrives, I round the corner , I see McD’s and I have to say to myself, (No, I am not supposed to go to McD’s to eat, I will go home and eat.  I will then ask MOM, when can I go to McD’s the next time because I like it so much?) Again, coached by MOM.

If Mom’s and Dad’s aren’t teaching kids what to say to themselves, then they are making it up based on their experiences. So not only what to say to the kid selling drugs on the corner, but what to say to themselves when they are about to walk past this kid, what words to use in their minds that keeps them on the straight and narrow.

Now parents, I know we have an awful lot of stuff to do in life and with our kids, so you may be saying, when will I have time for all this?

Keep this in mind, had my folks talked to me a little bit about telling myself a certain thing when I wanted to eat, I may have been able to avoid an “Eating Disorder.”

You make time for the things you WANT TO DO!!!!

All content here should be considered as opinion only. Always seek the advice of your doctor regarding your health or the health of your children.

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