Self Talk-Do we teach it or leave it to chance?
Just what is SELF TALK? When is it in life that we learn SELF TALK? Does anyone sit down and teach us this important lesson? Do we get any guidance from anyone who matters? How important is SELF TALK?
I had an eating disorder when I was 12 years old. I created that to deal with stresses in my life. I didn’t know it then but I did need a coping mechanism. Otherwise the pain was too great to deal with.
I kept this eating disorder around for 30 years. I did go into “In Patient Treatment” for 3 months, followed by therapy for… well I am still going back for “Tune-ups”, I am 57.
It was only 8 years ago that I stumbled upon Self Talk as a way to prevent myself from over-eating.
Self Talk pops in when I may be considering buying that candy bar. If I continue to entertain the idea, I will be walking out of the store with the candy bar. When my “ON PURPOSE” self talk kicks in, I can remind myself that I have a bigger goal in mind and I will walk out of the store empty handed.
So what is SelfTalk? It is the conversation in our minds that goes on all day long, every day of our lives. It tells us good things and bad things about ourselves, life, how people feel about us, how we feel about others, when to discipline our kids, whether we yell or whether we are patient. Whether we buy the $500.00 hand bag or whether we go with the more affordable $100.00.
We learn self talk as we grow as kids. So where is all this going? Watching my grandkids grow up and watching them receive discipline, I noticed that no one was teaching them about SELF TALK . No one was explaining to them how to deal with an issue in their minds. For example: Mom would tell them not to play with Johnny any more because Johnny was a bully. Mom did not tell them how to tell Johnny they couldn’t play with him or what to say to themselves when they saw Johnny. So they might go outside and there was Johnny and they were embarrassed or ashamed and they just let him bully anyway. Haven’t you ever encountered a situation you didn’t know how to deal with? Think about kids. They encounter every minute of every day.
If Mom had said,” When you see Johnny, say hi Johnny, we can’t play with you anymore, Sorry.” And then go somewhere else to play or come back in the house.” That may be all that is needed. So the child has some ammunition. Sometimes you can even rehearse that with your child.
Then we get a little older and there is Johnny again. OK Jr. has already told Johnny once. Now he needs to remind himself that ” I still can’t play with Johnny, I will wave, say hello and go to my house to avoid any contact ( that is coached from MOM or DAD.)
Or, we are told to not go to McD’s after schoolbecause we are working on our weight. The moment arrives, I round the corner , I see McD’s and I have to say to myself, (No, I am not supposed to go to McD’s to eat, I will go home and eat. I will then ask MOM, when can I go to McD’s the next time because I like it so much?) Again, coached by MOM.
If Mom’s and Dad’s aren’t teaching kids what to say to themselves, then they are making it up based on their experiences. So not only what to say to the kid selling drugs on the corner, but what to say to themselves when they are about to walk past this kid, what words to use in their minds that keeps them on the straight and narrow.
Now parents, I know we have an awful lot of stuff to do in life and with our kids, so you may be saying, when will I have time for all this?
Keep this in mind, had my folks talked to me a little bit about telling myself a certain thing when I wanted to eat, I may have been able to avoid an “Eating Disorder.”
You make time for the things you WANT TO DO!!!!
