SAY WHAT YOU MEAN, MEAN WHAT YOU SAY OR WHAT YOU SAY MEANS NOTHING

5 EASY TO IMPLEMENT ANSWERS TO THE SAYING:

SAY WHAT YOU MEAN,

MEAN WHAT YOU SAY OR

WHAT YOU SAY MEANS NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scenario #1. Judy is at the market with toddler Sonny. They are in line and Sonny is whining because she wants a lolli-pop. The line is moving slowly. Judy says” Sonny, stop crying or I will send you to your room as soon as we get home.” Clearly Judy is feeling embarrassment because the other 6 people in line are all staring at her. She waits a second and then says, “Sonny, stop crying or I am going to spank you!!” Sonny only whines more and louder. Finally, Judy, so frustrated and embarrassed, gives in, gives Sonny a Lollipop.

BINGO, Sonny has just pinned Mom up against the wall for yet another time!! And I can promise you this will never end without an awareness of what is happening. Ask any woman or man who has ever been a parent. This behavior, both Sonnys’ and Judy’s will continue on until it doesn’t.

Scenario# 2. Bobby is in the toy store while mother Beth is buying a birthday present for Bobby’s friend Jordan. Bobby is 9. They will be getting something like a small car for part of Jordan’s collection. It is late morning, both Bobby and Beth are hungry. Bobby starts asking, “can I, can I can I get one too Mom? Can I, can I?” Of course Beth says no. Bobby starts stomping his feet. Beth is beside herself because she knows exactly how this is going to turn out if she continues with “NO.” She will have to drag Bobby out of the store while he is screaming and kicking and she is just not up to that right now!! She tries another approach. “Honey, if you behave now, I will take you to the baseball field after Jordan’s party. ” NOOOOOO, I want one now.” Beth tries one more time to assuage Bobby but to no avail. She gives in=:(

Scenario #3. Sarah and her mother are student driving together. Sarah wants to go and pick up her friend Tammy, she is texting while she is driving to let TAmmy know when she will be arriving. Ann is beside herself. She is yelling now, ” STOP DRIVING THIS MINUTE OR I WILL TAKE YOUR PHONE AWAY.” Do you think for one minute Sarah stops driving? Not on her life. She subconsciously knows from years of experience that she has Ann around her little finger. She boldly continues to drive toward Tammy’s house. Just what can MOM do????? The answer is nothing right now because she has spent 16 years letting Sarah get her way. But there is help, hope and a way out.

So here are the 5 ways to implement the strategy of SAY WHAT YOU MEAN, MEAN WHAT YOU SAY, OR WHAT YOU SAY MEANS NOTHING.

1. Let this experience seep deeply into your subconscious.

2. Take a deep breath and Acknowledge that you let it get to this point. Another words “TAKE RESPONSIBILITY TODAY“.

3. Ask yourself honestly, “Am I ready to change my behavior?”

4. Are you absolutely sure you are ready? Forever?

5. Commit to never giving in again.

Now, wasn’t that easy? Stop, stop, I hear you cussing at me because NO it isn’t that easy. So now, in the spirit of “LOVE AND LOGIC,” I will give you a couple of things to do after you have done the previous 5 above.

At the first sign of an argument or anger or your frustration, take your child and leave the scene, immediately. If you are on the phone, hang up. This is the first step in taking charge of the situation. We will never avoid our children asking for things they can’t have, but we can avoid the reaction to that question. Just leave, get in your car and drive to the next stop.

There are always ways of dealing with not having a birthday present, Judy can always return to the market later or after Sonny begins to believe that his mom is serious. Or maybe she comes back after a friend watches Sonny.

I know, I know, you don’t want to have to deal with this right now. OK fine, you have kids that behave like that the rest of your life. Kids need boundaries, from the world, so they know how to fit in. Let these kids get on with this behavior and keep them from respecting you.

Ann knows about this behavior and has been using tools for awhile now. Doesn’t stop Tammy from trying. Sarah did NOT get off the phone. Ann took her phone and dialed 911. When the operator answered, Ann said, “Hello, I am in a black Ford SUV, traveling S on I-90 and 225 and the driver is not acting responsibly. Would you send an officer?”

Sarah pulled over, canceled Tammy’s pick up, Ann drove, cancelled the 911 call and ONCE AGAIN SARAH KNEW HER MOM MEANT BUSINESS WHEN SHE SPOKE. AN APPOLOGY WAS ACCEPTED.

STOP BEING NICE AND BE REAL

THE ONLY WAY FOR THIS APPROACH TO WORK IS IF YOU ALWAYS DO IT .

Next week I will write about something, I don’t want to commit today!!

All content here should be considered as opinion only. Always seek the advice of